Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
