im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
