she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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