I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
