he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
