Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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