dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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