You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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