recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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