Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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