So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
