hell yes lets make some ravioli
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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