I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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