i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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