i already hear my dad disowning me
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
