i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
