Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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