People in love make me want to vomit
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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