Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
