dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
