Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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