how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
