so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
