is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
