We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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