Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
