dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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