it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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