im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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