i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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