I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
