I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
