just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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