help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
