so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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