im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
