Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The cops high fived after they tackled you
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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