I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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