i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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