Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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