I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
