the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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