He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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