Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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