im holly from the hills drunk
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
