He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
