he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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