eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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