I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Welp...herpes.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
