im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
