Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
