The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
