Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
