My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
