Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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