I cockslap morals
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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