happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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