where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need to calm my uterus...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
