Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
