now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize