You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
