You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
