you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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