I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
