O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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