this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
